by Beth Spicer
People with higher levels of resilience are known to be happier and move through life with greater flow. Resilience has always interested me, and I find that it is a defining factor for happiness—especially for being a happy parent.
Do you pick yourself up and move forward smoothly when a challenge with your children arises? Or does a setback stop you in your tracks and stick with you? Do you “replay” what you should have done, or what could have happened?
As a fellow parent, I encourage you to trust in yourself, to have enough self-love to move forward confident that you are doing the best you can.
Is this how you approach your day and your parenting now?—With trust and confidence? Or do you get stuck in the thinking pattern of rehashing the past? Do you find yourself wondering “How did I lose my cool?” or “How did my child just control that situation?”
Resilience is a topic that you hear trainers and athletes talk about. It is also often mentioned among those who have been through great emotional turmoil. It is the energy or essence that allows you to pick yourself up, gets you through, and keeps you moving forward. It’s a mindset that you are going to conquer or achieve what you set out to.
So what does this have to do with parenting?
Well, as a parent, I say EVERYTHING!
I know that I am a resilient parent. Are you?
I know I am, because I make tons of mistakes. Yes, tons. But every time, I get back up and try again. I collect myself, come up with a new strategy, and am okay with admitting that I lost my cool or had what I call “a bad parenting moment”–or day.
Here is a mental image to consider. Think of what your child was like when they were learning to walk. They were the perfect image of resilience. They got excited, tried to walk, fell, maybe cried, and then got up again. They did not stop. They didn’t say “I can’t.” They may have been frustrated and started crying, which is par for the course. However, they knew in their heart that they could do it. They just had to learn how. This is key to the resilient mindset! They were dedicated to the outcome and knew it could happen. The frustration, and the fact that they did not know how to do it, did not stop them.
I think this is what happens when you are resilient. You are dedicated to the outcome and know you can accomplish what you set out to. You also know that you may fall and have to figure out how to achieve your goal.
This is the same as parenting. Resilient parents know that they are great parents. They just sometimes fall and need to pick themselves up. They admit that they have made a mistake and correct the situation if needed. Then they move forward.
Are you unsure whether you are doing this yourself?
If you say “I am not doing this,” I would tell you first of all that I know you are doing it more than you realize. Determine one area in which you know you are doing this. Just one. Notice, love, and appreciate that spirit in yourself, just like you did with your toddler who was learning to walk. Remember that we are all learning how to do something.
When you forget that you are resilient, you lose your motivation. This is when your self-talk often becomes full of the “I should’s” that I have mentioned previously. This is when we start feeling tired, worn down, and have an overall sense that we have lost a lot of strength, energy, and really have lost a part of ourselves.
Connect to that part of yourself that is like a child learning to walk. You are resilient, you can do what you want to. Just keep your eyes on your goal. You are an amazing resilient parent! I know you are. Do you?
Was this helpful for you? Post a comment below and let’s discuss further!